Windows 8 and recent hotfixes

So I bought a laptop about 6+ years ago and it died about 4 1/2 years ago, refusing to take a charge when plugged into the mains. Now I’m pretty sure I tried everything I could to get it to work, considering that I had a University assignment due in 2 days later and I was half way through writing it up and my only recourse was to drive back to work and grab an spare, old, bad, slow laptop to complete it (it’s good to be in charge !). This laptop (not the work one, that got taken back as soon as I was done) was on a shelf in our spare room (I do hoard some things) and I decided to give it a go. Plugged it in. Green light. Oooohhhhh.